Vivid Fusion - Explicit Work
Part 5
by Jennifer Wilson

I had a shower in the morning and then I left to go into San Francisco. Taking the Bart was fun and I just got off right in the middle of everything on Market St. I was going to walk to Kimo’s and a college buddy of mine lives right around there so I was gonna see if we could hook up. First thing I did was buy a disposable camera as I didn’t feel like taking my gear into the city.

As I walked along I scoped out political graffiti and took a picture of it. My collection growing. I finally got to Kimo’s and it was closed upstairs but the bar was open and it was 11am, perfect time for a beer. I tried to call my friend but he wasn’t there so I left a message, sat at the bar and ordered a cool one. As I sat at the window sipping the brew I noticed the flyers on the telephone pole nearby. I took a picture to remind me of the horrendous flyering laws that are being imposed on San Francisco.

The City is ticketing people $100 per flyer if they are posted in non-designated areas or if they are post due to be taken down which is something like 9 days after the event takes place, or 1 month of posting if for a non-event. FLM already received 2 tickets. So basically it’s a war between those who can’t afford advertising and those who can. Those who can afford advertising usually don’t go to events that are promoted by flyers and they don’t like even having to look at the flyers themselves.

I felt a hunger coming on so I asked the bartender where a good Mexican restaurant was around there. He told me where there was an ok taquerilla but he didn’t know of any good places. However, the two barflys sitting there laughing away did and told me that it was only about a block north on the same side of the street, called Panchos. That’s one of the best things about going out west, good Mexican food, and there’s always a good place you can get to, and usually someone around knows about it. I’m getting a craving just writing about it. Now that France is going fascist, Nic and I are seriously considering South America. Yum!

As soon as they told me where I could get awesome tacos they called me over to sit with them. They asked where I was from and I bet they found it novel to see a stranger sitting in there getting a buzz on so early in the day. It was a very neighborhood bar. I introduced myself to the man and woman, and of course I can’t remember their names now. They were having a good ol’ time. I believe it was a predominantly gay bar so there were some lewd remarks between the man and the bartender. The woman lived nearby and was a superintendent for 5 buildings downtown. Her grandmother was from Canada.

We laughed about stuff and I got into it cracking jokes and clinking glasses. Once I finished my beer I tried to call my friend again to no avail so I decided to head on for a bite. I bid my beertime buddies adieu and greased my way up the street. I found the restaurant not problemo and the smell brought a smile to my face. I ordered some chicken tacos and an iced tea, and had a very nice lunch.

I walked around the neighborhood a bit after that. There were a lot of hills. I called my friend one last time but didn’t get him so I decided to call it quits. It was obviously not happening that I would get together with people I used to know. For whatever reason they weren’t reaching me nor I them so I put as much effort into it that I wanted and then left it. It was getting easier to do this. There wasn’t the usual guilt or regret but rather a sense of strength, a strength in giving up, which you wouldn’t expect.

So much of what was going on in the intensive didn’t look like I thought it would. I didn’t focus on the pictures that came up in my head but it’s difficult not to see what you think it will look like. Frank mentioned this in one of the sessions, that we may not look like what we thought we were as we’re going through this deep experience. I understood that and I understood the scariness of that, the power of that and the danger of it too. But I do not fully understand what is happening. I only know that it is going deeper.

I walked and took photos of whatever I felt like. This is how I love to take photos. I just walk and snap, and disposable cameras are great because you don’t have to focus or set the exposure or anything! Of course, you also have to have perfect lighting and be a certain distance away for a good shot but I don’t pay any mind to that. The weather was beautiful and sunny. One of my missions was to make it to Pier 39 to take a photo of the sea lions for my sifu back home, so I wandered all the way through Chinatown down to the warf. I wrote a couple of postcards as I listened to the lions barking and playing.

The time was coming to head back to the Bart. I planned to leave SF at 4pm so that I could get back around the time Frank would be getting up. Sitting with them as they go through their day is one of the highlights of my time there. So quiet and real. I booked it along the waterfront back to Market St. I continued to read Steppenwolf as the Bart went across the water to Berkeley. I was coming to what I perceived as a stall in the story where there wasn’t much going on and I found it a little repetitious but good all the same and still very poignant.

We watched one of the last episodes of Taken as we ate lunch. The music for the production had put a bit of the shivers into me one night as I headed out to the studio so I told FLM that I was afraid of aliens, but really I think it was just the music. I was telling them that I was afraid of everything, but I don’t really believe that either. I have certain fears but I also have the ability to conquer them as I’ve noticed throughout my life. I wouldn’t go through a carwash 30 years ago. Or down into a dark basement, but now I live in a basement and I can’t sleep unless it’s completely dark. I underestimate myself.

As I took small bites of rice I noticed it was smaller than usual so I asked if this was rice but Linda looked at Mikee in horror as she realized it was couscous. It’s a certain type of wheat and I’m intolerant to gluten which is in wheat so I ate what I could from the bowl and then made myself a chicken sandwich instead. It was really no problem at all.

Frank, Linda and I then talked as Mikee painted tiles for the blue house kitchen. They told me stories about the 48 hour sessions Frank would do with people. How they would plant people and come up with some of the illusions were amazing to hear. What was even more amazing were their stories about what the people really thought happened. That’s where a lot of the magic seems to be most visible.

We went into the studio around midnight. I started to read from Frank’s 7th Reader. Linda kept the note that I wrote after my last session last year indicating that this was the reader we were on and she brought it out like a relic from the distant past. A whole year didn’t seem to be that long but I remembered that piece of paper from way back. Time does some very funny things. I read something called “Another Dion Bach, Riddle-Me-Right Fit-As-A-Fiddle Fun Test” by Luna Griffith and I really enjoyed its deep truth cloaked in abstract surreal humor As I read it I could see how it applied to what was going on now with me and everyone else working with Frank. We are all on the same journey together simply because we are together. Even Luna who I’ve not met and who isn’t around very much in person is still with us.

After reading, Frank asked me to talk about my intensive. I told him it felt deeply relaxing, opening, surrendering, freeing. How it didn’t feel like it was about me at all but that it was about everything. I told him how it wasn’t special or different from everything everyday, that it was right here in front of us, that magic was right here right now!

It was a powerful revelation. I felt it moving through me, pure life in all its ecstatic glory. Whenever I feel that way, and it can be recalled simply by remembering it, the words that come to mind all sound so biblical or new age or something that I really can’t stand. But those seem to be the only words I have to describe the feeling of pure awe, pure om. Ok, well let me try again. It felt like waves flowing through me. It felt like a fractal and my whole body was buzzing as if lit up from the inside. I’m sure I was smiling from ear to ear. Nothing ‘looked’ different but inside everything was different , clearer, freer, and gentler. All my senses grooved to the vibe of the studio and the vibe of Frank, and the purple house, and California, and the world, and the universe. It just went on and on and I didn’t want it to stop. I didn’t want to understand it or even think about it. I just wanted to feel it. I gave into it and…Frank jokes around and asks me if I’m getting my money’s worth, and I gotta say all the time, oh yeah! And then some! I mean this is really what it’s all about. This is what I was looking for and it isn’t easy or casual, this is life. This is a way of living life and it’s sometimes hard to find the words to describe it. It just must be lived. Life must be lived and that’s the only way to do it. Live.

I was so energized and inspired afterward. Even though they prepared my meal early, I still stuck around while they ate and we all watched the finale of Taken. It was a disappointment but I was too tired to talk about it so I just crashed pretty hard after that. It was 5:30am so I was getting closer and closer to FLM time, although they were still gonna be up for another 3 hours. I on the other had could barely walk even though the effects of the evening were still radiating through me. I was not dreaming very much but I like it. Deep sleep.

On to Part 6>

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Last modified August 17, 2004