Vivid Fusion - Explicit Work
Part 4
by Jennifer Wilson

When I woke up I started reading Steppenwolf. It amazed me how much I could identify with the lead character. Loving culture yet loathing the pettiness of humanity all around – the man and wolf in an endless battle with each other. This is how I felt at the beginning of the novel.

After reading for a while I decided to go out for a walk and put my stickers up around town. I designed some stickers years ago and still had quite a few so I took all of them with me across the border to cover parts of the bay area. I packed my camera in case I found some political graffiti but before heading out I decided to stop at the blue house first. It was Wednesday around noon and I just thought it would be fun to see what was going on there.

Kirsten was cooking in the makeshift kitchen and the guys were working on the house. The construction going on was really amazing. Last year it was at a very slow steady pace but all of a sudden it was getting done like wildfire. Floors were getting covered, walls painted and a deck was being built in the backyard! Really cool touches like the lamps and tiles made with Mikee designs gave the place that extra wickedness.

I talked to Kirsten a bit as she cooked and she asked if I was there for my 1 o’clock. All of a sudden I didn’t know what she was talking about so I jumped to the conclusion that Frank had set up a 1 o’clock appointment for me with Kirsten and didn’t tell me so I shook my head and said that no one told me anything about a 1 o’clock appointment. Kirsten and I were then both flustered and she said that I had made the appointment with her. I couldn’t remember a thing! She reminded me about the phone call and then it all came back to me. It was freaking me out how much it kept sounding like an appointment with her when I so totally had something more easy going in mind. I apologized profusely for forgetting. I was pretty glad that I went to the blue house before going on that walk.

Corey came in and sat with us while he ate. We talked about the differences between US and Canadian healthcare. We talked about earning under 30,000/year. I told them a story about when my mom was convincing me to get a job that pays more because then I would have nice things and be able to travel, maybe even own a house. I asked her if I had ever pined for those things and she looked very sad then and said no, that I didn’t, and that was the real tragedy she felt.

When Corey went back to work, Kirsten made herself some food and we went out onto the front sidewalk to talk. We have a lot in common and we enjoy each other. It’s fun talking with Kirsten. I asked if she just wanted to take a walk with me while I put up my stickers instead of going to the hot tubs. She said that was perfect and that the hot tubs were by her old place anyway and she didn’t really want to go there. All of a sudden it was becoming a relaxing good time with a friend rather than an appointment. I remembered that’s what Frank and Linda said would probably happen once we got together.

We walked down Gilman St. to the Walgreen’s and then took a left into the quaint neighborhood just a few blocks from the train tracks. We talked a lot about politics and conspiracies. I kept stopping to put up stickers leaving Kirsten to have to turn around and find me. So she started stopping too. I put a lot up! We went down to the train tracks. It smelled. She pointed out a spot where there had been some bushes that people lived in that had since been cut down. I remembered seeing a few guys sitting out there last year but no one was there now. We walked back up to Solano Ave. and the only picture I took was a photo of Kirsten in front of a big beautiful tree with the moon behind.

We continued to talk as we went up Gilman again. I told her stories about my life in Toronto and how I started showing off my chest. She told me about her late husband. We got onto the path and went down to the creek where I sat the day before. It reminded us of places we used to hang out as kids, just by ourselves.

Our conversation became deeper. We talked about dreams and the kinds of lessons we learn through life. She showed me her engagement ring which she found in a bunch of stuff a neighbor was getting rid of. It symbolized for her the engagement she had with her present life. I told her about my freak out the morning before and how I coped with it. I told her what Nic said on the phone. I told her about my thoughts of marriage and of war and how my desperate rationale for going there was misguided. At one point we talked a bit about our apprenticeship with Frank. How we were drawn to it and how much it meant to us.

As we walked back to the blue house we continued to talk. We were both hungry so she grabbed some food and asked me what I had planned for the afternoon. I wanted to go to the purple house and make a chicken sandwich so she came with me. As I prepared the sandwich, Kirsten ate her food sitting in the chair by the back door and we listened to the Dave and Anna Christy Show. I heard it last year and I really like it! Just the two of them bantering about stuff and getting drunk, playing tunes, but mostly just bantering about stuff and that’s my favorite part. They’re really funny!
Frank was up and sitting in the living room. To be honest, the only thing I wanted to do all afternoon was sit in the living room too. Mikee was getting ready to cook lunch and I wanted to spend time with them. The chicken sandwich was just a quick snack. If I went anywhere during the day I would make sure to be back around the time Frank got up. I don’t get to spend a lot of face time with them so I like to catch up and stock up for the long haul. Kirsten had to prepare for a session so she left and the food soon arrived.

I was really enjoying Mikee’s cooking! Rice and beans are such a staple and can be done really bland (I know by experience) but he does them so well! The greens were good and they even gave me sauerkraut to try every night, different flavors too - it was ok, different. I was getting used to the vinegar. The meals were flavorful and filling, and I finished off just about every bit they gave me. It smelled so good when the food was on.

Lunch takes a while. First there’s beveraging, Chinese tea, Frank’s favorite. Then water. Then juice. Then the meal comes. Linda feeds Frank and I love watching them work together. They’ve told me some pretty funny stories about Linda falling asleep during dinner time (usually taking place around 5am) with Frank’s spoon full of food only an inch from his mouth. We just banter about anything. Sometimes we’re just quiet and we smile at each other. It’s idyllic.

Frank said that this session may be a heavy one and I said that’s nothing new. Then when I realized Kirsten would be at this session I thought he was going to ask us what we talked about all day and I got kinda nervous. Perhaps I had said something that he would not want me to say. Whatever. I was open to listen. Just listen to him, really, so then it didn’t matter what he would say, I would just listen to it. Couldn’t hurt. The more I did this, by the way, the less I was nervous about anything. The more open I became.

The night went in an interesting direction. During the whole session I was aware that Frank was addressing issues that both Kirsten and I have about choice and opinion. He was purposely punching large holes in our illusions, deep illusions that may have been uncomfortable to let go. In my relaxed state, I just went with it and could see what he was saying and how it applied to my life even though I had never really thought of it that way before. I feel open with Frank so it’s obvious to me when my defenses arise and that’s a big red flag if ever there was one – that’s a sore spot. So I just touched all these tender areas with what Frank was saying and they hurt but my defenses were weak and I didn’t focus on them and give them power. I was absorbed in the heavy truths being revealed. They were actually healing those old wounds.

At one point Frank asked me to describe how I keep the apprenticeship going when I’m not there. I said that writing about it helps a lot! Also, I like doing things for luver such as the video work with Nic. (more to come by the way;) I focus on being productive, I focus on the work and my relationship with Nic as well as my relationship with Frank, Linda and Mikee. I also focus on staying open to all possibilities, keeping positive and not sinking back into fear. And when I get praise for what I’ve done, I try not to focus so much on that, but more on the fact that I’m being open to the flow of creativity that runs through everything. I focus on the magic in everything, even things that others may discount or ignore.

I was getting used to reading Frank’s board and as the words left my lips their effect took hold. I was dedicated to the work, I was trusting and relaxed and excited. Watching Frank work really blew me away. How he coaxed these old things out and dealt with them. How he reached in through the everyday armor and rubbed our bareness to see the reaction. To get us to see what the armor really was, just a barrier dividing us from each other. Once he gets you, you are really there, together with everything else. The moment is there and you are not living in your head, you are living in everything.

Our talk lasted a long time and we were tired so we didn’t play together. After the session, Kirsten left and we talked in the living room while I waited for dinner. Didn’t have to wait long and there it was steaming in front of me. If my memory is working correctly, it was steak night.

I told Frank how incredible it is to watch him work. We talked about how working with him is like pushing through something and he’s saying “come on, it’s just a bit further” and you can’t see what’s ahead but you’re pushing through with each other, pushing to get to the unknown. How he finds these spots in you that are blocks to the free flow of energy and works them. Smacks ‘em or rubs them away, always rubbing deeper. He is a master and I am very lucky to have met him.

After eating my meat and greens, I made my way to bed. I still couldn’t believe how awesome all of this was but on another level it wasn’t awesome, it was the way things really are. I didn’t think too much about it but just started to understand what living it really meant and I went to bed feeling alright alright.

On to Part 5 >

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Last modified August 17, 2004